Today I saw the movie Hereafter with Matt Damon. It wasn’t what I expected, yet I don’t know what I expected.

It brought up alot of feeilngs about being a psychic. The burdens of having these abilities. The responsibility of reading the information accurately. The impact it has on people’s lives. The loneliness of the gift. People’s expectations of psychically gifted people.

It showed people’s desperation to communcate with their deceased loved ones and that part made me cry. I cried for the people whose loved ones had died. I cried for the psychic who did not want to do this work anymore, yet he knew he could bring peace of mind to the young boy begging to talk to his deceased brother.

It showed some of the charlatans out there and that just infuriated me.

His desire to have a normal life made me cry. Never knowing when he was going to have a psychic experience and sometimes not knowing what to do with it.
The loneliness of wanting to talk about the experiences he had yet not wanting to frighten the people in his life.

I don’t know if it was just the timing of seeing it right now, or if it would have impacted me no matter when I saw it. In the last week or so, I’ve been thinking about taking a break from doing psychic readings. I go through the same thing every time I get back into doing them. The bad headaches come back on a daily basis and it gets harder to go out in public. Friday night I had a very fun gig at the Mall of America and had to leave immediately afterwards because my head was pounding. There were so many people there and I could feel all the different vibes in the mall. The “celebrities” were invited to a free dinner at Bubba Gump Shrimp restaurant for raising money for colon cancer and as much as I wanted to join everyone, my head was throbbing and I felt like every one’s energy was sticking to me like velcro.

The movie sure brought up alot of feelings. I’m working on a book about death right now and for that I’m grateful that I saw the movie. I want the book to be as helpful as possible for people dealing with the loss of a loved one or their own impending death.

This gift is like being stuck between a rock and a hard place because I always feel like I want to push myself to be as good as I can be and get really good clear accurate information for people and then on the other hand, I want to shut it down and make it go away. I can’t begin to count the number of times over the year that I’ve told myself I’m going to go get a regular job and stop all this psychic stuff…………and then something happens that makes me once again grateful that I’m able to help someone with these abilities.

Maybe everyone is like this with their jobs/careers. Not satisfied with where they’re at, want to push themselves to do better but then have those days where you wish you could chuck the whole thing and start over with something new. Maybe all of that is normal.

I don’t have the solution tonight. Maybe it’s just about feeling all the feelings and moving on. Take a break for a day or two and then go back at it.

I need to meditate!!

If you see the movie, let me know what you think.