1/11/15 A rather glum title for this blog, but it’s happening all around us and I want to talk about it for a bit.
Everyday I get emails from people who want to talk about their loved one who is dying. Some are fearful, others are exhausted, some angry and others confused about what’s next. My heart goes out to every one of you that is going through this right now. Watching a loved one go through their dying process is heart wrenching. For those of us watching it, we feel powerless to do anything other than to hold their hand and let them know we love them.
If you are going through this right now with someone you love, I want to remind you of a couple of important things. The soul is in it’s process of letting go of it’s body.There is an intimate relationship between us and our soul and it can take a long time for this separation to occur. If the dying person is leaving a lot of people behind, it may hold on longer. If it has alot of pride in the life it has created, it may take the soul longer to leave. If the person is afraid of death, it will hold on longer.
People ask me why the person is taking so long to die, why is God making them suffer and I want you to read this loud and clear. IT IS NOT GOD MAKING YOUR LOVED ONE SUFFER. God never intends for any of us to suffer (in spite of what your religion may have taught you). The actual death is up to the soul and when it’s ready to let go.
The other important piece to know is that when a person is dying, their soul is in and out of the body throughout the process. The body is very still when the soul is out and if the body is in pain, the soul will often stay out for long periods of time. It is communicating with deceased loved ones, asking for their advice on how to let go, maybe visiting places they grew up, checking on their loved ones that aren’t present.
You do not need to wear yourself out by keeping a bedside vigil. They are between worlds. There is a lot going on for the soul at this point and it’s not necessary for you to understand it. It’s like the caterpillar and the butterfly. The caterpillar has no idea what’s about to happen, just as the physical body has no idea what’s about to happen. And the nicest thing you can do is not interfere with the process. Be patient. It will end.
You will know intuitively if they need their hand held or silence in the room. Sometimes holding their hand can be a distraction, so listen and you’ll know if they need something from you. Get the rest you need. Have the conversation you need. Get some good food in you, not out of the vending machine. And when the time comes, when they take their last breath, you need to go home, cry, sleep and take a break from the world.
A dear friend of mine told me that the grief would come in waves and to deal with it as it came up and that’s exactly how it goes.
Your loved one is on their way to that beautiful light where they will begin a brand new journey. A brand new life on the other side. They will be greeted by loved ones and encouraged to rest up for their funeral which they will undoubtedly attend.
I’ve written a book called What Happens When We Die which will give you much more information than this blog. I wanted to write up a short piece today to acknowledge what you’re going through. So so many people are dying right now. Young, old. It doesn’t matter. People’s journey’s have come to an end and it’s time for them to go back home.
Thank you Echo.
This is beautiful and answers o many questions. Thank You.
Yes, let them die in their own way in their own time. It might it is going to last another 40 or so years so just relax.
Thank you, Echo, especially for the part about not needing to wear ourselves out keeping a bedside vigil. Very comforting.
On the 7th anniversary of my brother Charlie’s death by suicide, your words helped me to expand the concept of the soul taking time to separate from the body. Both my mother and father’s deaths, which followed, were marked by short and long periods of their souls being both here, and elsewhere. By the time Dad left, we both knew that he was going on a trip (but not where), by airplane, and who would be there to guide him to his final destination (Charlie). I didn’t beat myself up for not camping out on a cot with him, or being there 24/7. He chose to leave at 5:30 a.m. when no one who knew him would be around. Mom also died in the ICU in the middle of the night, after a friend had ordered me to go home and sleep.
Charlie, on the other hand, left in a way none of us would have predicted, and which we found sudden. As I cleaned up his house and business and put the pieces together from our conversations (and with others), I realized that there was nothing sudden about his death. His soul was aching to leave for some time, ill as he was, and it had everything to do with him, and not with anyone who loved him. The fact that I immediately understood that still surprises me to this day. Other people thought that I was only in shock, as they were, but I wasn’t. It gave me the grace to guide my parents through their loss, and gave me peace.
Thank you for writing about this tough topic. I know that you are helping to guide others through inevitable life events in a way which empowers and unites us.
What a inspiration you are too all of us,Thank You
Thanks Echo; these were comforting words to hear and I really liked your book “What Happens When We Die”. It’s what I recommend to anyone I meet who needs such words of comfort, inspiration and wisdom because someone in their life is dying or has died.
This was good to read even after almost 2 years since my Mom went home. She had had just over 98 years on earth.
Loved the article….I took care of my Mom in her final days, who was unaware she had colon cancer. She was only 73YO and found out in May and passed away in July. My Dad had passed away 4 months prior unexpectedly in ICU for 3 days with undiagnosed UTI.
My Mom told me about the angels preparing for her entrance into heaven and the “men” that she did not know who were waiting outside her window when she was ready to go. I strongly believe that because of her faith, she was allowed to see what her new life was going to be like, just as Echo states. i was the lucky one to be able to be along side of her through her journey. She passed away two years ago on the only night I ever left her side, as in my heart she knew it would be easier on me.
My Mom was the most loved woman and had so much faith in everything she did throughout her life. I sure do miss her each day of my life. But the man above had plans for her.
Thank you for your lovely article.
Thank you. There seems to be a lot of sudden deaths around me right now. Thanks for this reminder, the soul has a plan!