1/11/15 A rather glum title for this blog, but it’s happening all around us and I want to talk about it for a bit.
Everyday I get emails from people who want to talk about their loved one who is dying. Some are fearful, others are exhausted, some angry and others confused about what’s next. My heart goes out to every one of you that is going through this right now. Watching a loved one go through their dying process is heart wrenching. For those of us watching it, we feel powerless to do anything other than to hold their hand and let them know we love them.
If you are going through this right now with someone you love, I want to remind you of a couple of important things. The soul is in it’s process of letting go of it’s body.There is an intimate relationship between us and our soul and it can take a long time for this separation to occur. If the dying person is leaving a lot of people behind, it may hold on longer. If it has alot of pride in the life it has created, it may take the soul longer to leave. If the person is afraid of death, it will hold on longer.
People ask me why the person is taking so long to die, why is God making them suffer and I want you to read this loud and clear. IT IS NOT GOD MAKING YOUR LOVED ONE SUFFER. God never intends for any of us to suffer (in spite of what your religion may have taught you). The actual death is up to the soul and when it’s ready to let go.
The other important piece to know is that when a person is dying, their soul is in and out of the body throughout the process. The body is very still when the soul is out and if the body is in pain, the soul will often stay out for long periods of time. It is communicating with deceased loved ones, asking for their advice on how to let go, maybe visiting places they grew up, checking on their loved ones that aren’t present.
You do not need to wear yourself out by keeping a bedside vigil. They are between worlds. There is a lot going on for the soul at this point and it’s not necessary for you to understand it. It’s like the caterpillar and the butterfly. The caterpillar has no idea what’s about to happen, just as the physical body has no idea what’s about to happen. And the nicest thing you can do is not interfere with the process. Be patient. It will end.
You will know intuitively if they need their hand held or silence in the room. Sometimes holding their hand can be a distraction, so listen and you’ll know if they need something from you. Get the rest you need. Have the conversation you need. Get some good food in you, not out of the vending machine. And when the time comes, when they take their last breath, you need to go home, cry, sleep and take a break from the world.
A dear friend of mine told me that the grief would come in waves and to deal with it as it came up and that’s exactly how it goes.
Your loved one is on their way to that beautiful light where they will begin a brand new journey. A brand new life on the other side. They will be greeted by loved ones and encouraged to rest up for their funeral which they will undoubtedly attend.
I’ve written a book called What Happens When We Die which will give you much more information than this blog. I wanted to write up a short piece today to acknowledge what you’re going through. So so many people are dying right now. Young, old. It doesn’t matter. People’s journey’s have come to an end and it’s time for them to go back home.