#3 of the journey
Wow. This is quite a present I’ve given myself. I had my 5th and 6th treatments today.
When I went in this morning, I had a pretty bad headache and worried for a bit that these treatments were making the headaches worse, but today’s sessions completely took the headache away. I had so many awarenesses today and am feeling very free tonight.
What’s making this fascinating is the memories that have flooded my conscious mind. I’ve had several flashbacks since my sessions yesterday of ways that I’ve tried to create safety for myself. When I was 23 yrs. old I got engaged to a handsome young man who was really tall (6’8″) and maybe because my dad was so tall, I had the notion that David would keep me safe. At another time in my life, I got engaged to a man almost 20 years older than me because I was sure life would feel safe with him. Neither of those relationships made it to the altar because I realized neither of them could give me the safe feelings I was looking for.
This morning I had a memory of getting dressed for my wedding and remembering how excited I was that I finally met the man that I was sure would create a safe life for me. The marriage lasted four years and it created just the opposite of safe.
As I shared in yesterday’s blog, I’ve done alot of therapy around these issues and have been aware of them for a long time, but have always gotten hung up at the safety issue as far as how to find it.
Spiritually I know God takes care of me, but it’s like a deep physical craving to feel safe and grounded and I’ve done some wacky things over the years to try to create it. Alcohol, prescription meds, pot, food, codependency. All of it.
This journey of balancing the brain and healing the old patterns set up in the brain when I was a youngster makes so much sense. Tonight I feel like a million bucks.
I felt some huge piece shift today in my 5th session and it continued on in the 6th session. A release of alot of old feelings and memories that have been flooding my mind and body since this process started a week ago. And the memories that have come up are not bad horrible painful memories. Just memories. Simple things about my life that I have forgotten.
Happy feelings. Sad feelings. Determined to make a change feelings. The most obvious feelings are optimism and hope.
I’m half way through the sessions. They recommend 10 to get started and then you can come in and get more any time you want.
I have the article on Wynonna Judd if you want me to send it to you. Just contact me and I’ll shoot it over to you.
I’ll be blogging more over the next few days. Over and out for now,