If you’ve read any of my books you know that I’m open about sharing my journey and therefore know alot of what I’m about to share with you. I share this from a detached perspective because I’ve been through all the tears, anger and rage in therapy and groups. I’m sharing it so that you’ll understand the patterns going on in my brain.
I grew up with two alcoholic parents (who both got into recovery in my teens). I was the oldest of four kids and felt responsible to take care of them. I experienced alot of sexual abuse as a little girl. A male babysitter, friends of my dad’s and an elementary school teacher.
My grampa was my rock and he died when I was four. I can safely say the depression I’ve had all my life started when he died. My safe place was gone.
I was afraid to go to bed at night for fear of who would come into my bedroom whether it was one of my dad’s drunk friends or my drunken father wanting to chat at 3:00am. I was afraid to come home from school for fear of what would be going on. I could go on and on with yucky stories but you get the picture. Life just wasn’t safe for me as a little girl and the one place I found comfort was candy, cookies, cake and ice cream. It brought sweetness into my life and when I got my hands on sugar, I felt a quick respite from everything around me.
I’ve tried lots of diets and they’ve all worked. I’d work hard to lose the weight, deny myself all the foods that made me feel happy and safe and I’d always look and feel so much better. BUT my pattern has been that as soon as someone comments on my weight loss and how great I look, I start eating sugar again and slowly put the weight back on. As much as I’ve hated having a weight problem, it always makes me feel protected and interestingly, in control of my life. When I’m thin, I feel out of control. Like who’s going to hurt me now that I’m attractive.
What I would love to accomplish is feeling safe, feeling grounded, eating healthy, feeling proud of my weight and how my body feels and looks and I’d love to maintain all of that from now until I check out of this dastardly place. And that’s why I’m doing this Neuro-Strength.
So what did I experience after the first session? A couple of weeks ago I blogged about these terrible headaches I get and fortunately, after the first session, the headaches were completely gone for 3 days. I have two spots in my head that always feel like there’s a sharp knife stuck in them and for three days they were gone. They slowly crept back but I had 2 treatments yesterday and my head is much better again today.
I did have such a sense of calmness after the first session. The next day was moving day for my mom. We had been packing up her condo for a good solid 2-3 weeks and finally the day arrived to move her into assisted living. I was calm and very happy that whole day. At the end of that very long 12 hour day, my brother and I both commented on how magical the day had been. No stress. We completely went with the flow and it all worked out very well.
I’ve been more thirsty which is part of the deal. They tell you to drink more water and I’ve also been a bit more tired, but I just let my body sleep so that my brain can make these shifts. My attitude has been really good. I feel more emotional at times, but that’s pretty much status quo for me. I feel everything.
Today I’m going to do my first reading since I started this process and I’m anxious to see how it goes. Like I said, I’ll be blogging about this so that you can sense if this is something that would help you.
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